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I just wanted to go over some essential life skills that, in my opinion, everybody should have or work on having.

1. Communication - If you suck at talking to people please read a book and practice with whatever friends you might have. This is the most important skill you will ever gain. Closed mouths don’t get fed. After you learn to communicate please learn negotiation skills as that is, in my opinion, the next level of communication.


2. Some Fashion Sense - Okay, you don’t have to be able to dress perfect but dress adequate for your skin tone, your body type and your budget. As a good friend told me, "Don’t shop for clothes alone!". What that means is if you don’t have fashion sense someone you know does and at least look like you do (I actually do have enough fashion sense to shop alone but I still take this advice). You don’t have to have money to dress. I shop wherever I can afford to at any given time and am always lookin for a deal.


3. Know Alcohol & Drink - I know some people can’t drink or don’t like to drink because of health reasons or addictions. You should still know about alcohol. How to make at least three decent drinks is good knowledge. Have some knowledge of wines - don’t need to have much. But these skills will come in handy in social situations. If you drink then know how to drink to not get out of control. Drink slowly and go easy. I drink a lot but I’m a professional and can maintain my composure. People may disagree with me but I don’t care all that much. However, feel free to disagree with me in the comments.


4. Know Sports - Eh… I don’t excel in this one. But I know just enough to get by in the sports department. I love boxing and can talk adequately about that but I don’t watch football, basketball or baseball that much. However, I try to just browse the sports news every now and then and check the headlines so I know something about what’s going on. I know, I know… I just don’t have the time to invest in to sports for some reason… Oh yeah, cause I do a million other things.


5. Have a Hobby: Learn - Do something interesting. If you don’t have a hobby then you should go get one. I’m learning the guitar right now and when I get good at that I’ll do something else. I also have had a ton of hobbies in the past that I was at least adequate at or did it until I got bored. Some will say this is not a life skill, yeah, learning is a life skill. A life full of learning is a full life.


6. Cook & Know How To Eat - Know a little about food. I would say being able to cook is essential to a great life but it depends on if you are single or not. At some point we were or are single so you should have some knowledge of it. I went on for four years barely cooking anything because my ex used to cook her ass off. However, I was very aware of the different flavors in food and I always asked her how she cooked something. Further, I know where tons of good restaurants are. Lastly, as part of this, have a diverse knowledge of food. Never tried Korean food? Do it! Ethiopian? Do it! French? Do it! Expanding you food horizons will give you great knowlege of different food types and further help as a conversation piece.


7. Working a Computer - Yes, you can eek by without learning how to use a computer and all of you who are reading this likely use a computer pretty well but this is still an essential life skill in the modern age. I tend to take this for granted because I’ve had a computer since before I can remember but that doesn’t make it less essential. You should probably learn how to type as well if you are pecking around on the keyboard right now. The better your computer knowledge the better your access to resources that many other may not have.


8. Compassion & Empathy - This is an essential life skill. Showing you care to your fellow humans will leave an impact. However, it’s hard to aquire this skill I would assume. It’s something you either have or feign really well. I’ve never looked in to resources for how to acquire these skills but I’m sure if you don’t have them there are things you can read that will help you.


9. Financial Knowledge - There is "How To Balance a Checkbook" and then there is real financial understanding. Unfortunately, we do not teach this in school. Essential things like how to put money away for investment, how to make your money make money for you, how to not abuse credit, how to build savings and how to build wealth. If you come from a relatively poor family & background as myself these skills will come to you with enough failure or the right mentor. But it’s best if you come in to this knowledge on your own terms. I suggest reading "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", which is a great starter book.


10. Set Goals, Take Steps - It’s smart to write down your goals and work towards them. Appriciate the goals you have achieved and give your self credit for getting there. To be successful your goals have to be tangable and likely. So make big goals but take one small step at a time in working towards your goals. Don’t worry if you can’t see the entire path to your goals. Just take one step in the direction of your goal at a time and be sure to write down your goals. Goal setting is an essential skill to a successful life.

These are skills and knowledge I consider essential to a successful life. Of course there may be others you could add but these are the ones I could think of today. With these I’ve been able to do a ton with very little else. Some of these I had to work at and didn’t always have. Some of these might not serve your position in life for one reason or another. Again, disagree with me in the comments if you like or add to these. I love feedback.

I love to chase women when I’m interested in one and believe they are unique. I slightly like it more when a woman seems to be a challenge. Notice I said ‘slightly’. Okay, this is a deeply nuanced discussion. I love a challenge. But, I also love attention. When I give a woman my attention and creativity and I get little attention in return I tend to do the opposite of what I did when I was younger. When I was younger the less attention a woman gave me the more I would chase her. Now, I don’t so much have the stomach for a such an endeavor. I am pretty sure back when I was younger I didn’t have nearly as much a sense of self worth and thought I had to fight to prove I was better than I appeared. These days I do have a pretty large sense of self worth so I feel like a woman has to meet me in the middle sometimes during the chase.

Let me further qualify my statements. I do love a challenge and a woman has to give me as much mental game as I give to even be in the same league with me. This means some push and pull, which is fun. But if I have to beg for your time, appriciation and equal contribution to the chase it’s not really worth my energy. I feel that I’m worth a lot. I have a ton of diverse skills & abilities and I adapt quickly.

I believe that many women love the attention that comes with the chase and that’s cool. There’s still that important underlying tradition in our culture of men leading the chase (which I enjoy and I believe many other men do). But almost all men have egos that need attention to be fed. Also, all people want to feel important. Even feeling important in one person’s life is truly valuable to most. So, ladies, if you are being chased by someone who feels you are worth it and you don’t give some chase back then expect that opportunity will be lost in due time. Though, I believe that many women feel more motivated to return attention when guys back off and stop giving them a ton of attention. I know many men who are like this as well. If something comes to easy then it’s not worth having or has no intrinsic value. This is contrary to my logic about how the world should work but observable, nonetheless. Something that comes easy to you may come easy to you because of who you are and what someone sees in you.

So, many of you know that my ex-girlfriend (ie… the mother of my son) left here a couple weeks ago and went back to Virginia. This left me with my son to raise by myself for now. I’ve always thought the process of being a father would be difficult for me to integrate and it has been to some degree. My own father (who I’m close with now) wasn’t in my life to a high degree for a good portion of my youth. So, I don’t really understand how to be a father. I’ve been told that I am a great father and I certainly hope that is true. I try to be as tender as his mother was with him but be more stern and structured than his mother was with him. I make sure, as I always have, that he is well provided for and has the best that can be available to him of everything. Still, I find it difficult to replace his mother and to be his everything. Now, luckily, as I’ve said in the past, my assistant helps and my mother, who lives in her own apartment attached to my house, is a big help too.

There’s a ton of responsibility in guiding him to be a better man than I am. I believe this should be my goal and I work towards it. It also makes it difficult to be me sometimes. I’m very passionate, enjoy a robust social life and tend to be more creative and unstructured. Balancing this against what I need to do as a father causes some tension in my life. I can be structured and I do it all the time in my professional life but in my personal life I’ve always leaned toward less structure and more of a spur of the moment life style. I think my personal style is to counter the amount of planning, strategy and structure that goes in to my professional life.

It’s an amazing thing to wake up and see your son in his room sleeping and know you are going to help mold is future and make him in to a man one day at a time. It can also be overwhelming and frightening. I’m proud to be my son’s father and I hope that I can teach him all the lessons I had to learn on my own. I hope I can give and help him work towards the things that were difficult for me or out of my reach. I hope that one day he won’t have to forgive me for anything I did. I hope he leads a life without regrets and keeps peace in his soul.

I’ve been having extensive talks with my friends about the value of networking. This article will jump around a bit because some of it is connected to other thoughts I’m having right now. But I’ll try to bring it full circle.

It seems obvious to me and I’m sure many others but there are still a lot of people who don’t understand the value or don’t practice networking to add value to their life. It’s difficult to not do some networking if you interract with other people. Life is, in part, a sum of connections we create with people. Those connections create opportunity and in turn give opportunity. You can’t see networking as one sided. You must be willing to be of value and help connect people where there is a need in order to gain from networking. I look at every relationship as an opportunity to help others and as an opportunity to be helped. This isn’t just for business as it also applies to my personal life. I use it when I’m dating or meeting new friends as well as when I’m working on business deals. Personally or professionally, I don’t really see the distinction except in approach. I have good friends who I do business with and good business people who I consider friends. Most people don’t like crossing this line but I consider that nonsense. I love doing business with people I’m friends with and the communication is much easier in those instances. But I could go in to depth on that with another article.

Opportunity can only be created through personal and professional connections. Loose connections will provide more value than strong connections when it comes to networking and building opportunity. The reason for this is that all the people that are tight with you in your circle already know most of the opportunities that you do. However, this is not always the case. But any time you open yourself up to a new group or run in a new circle of people you are gaining access to opportunity and in turn they are gaining access to your friends and all you know (if you are doing this correctly). Giving is the essential key to receiving. It has been my philosophy for some time that if you want to receive something in your life give freely of that thing and abundance will be your result. This is contrary to the thinking of some because the conventional thought is towards hoarding something that you do not have much of. However, that has never lead to success in my own life nor the lives of many I have noticed. There is always enough of whatever you have to be able to give something, even if it’s only a nickel to the hungry man on the corner. Also, love and appriciation are free and feed the soul. If you have nothing you have a kind word and a smile and this will enhance the day of others. Giving that can enhance your day as well.

Oh, so back to this networking thing (: Now that I’m single and have the luck of having people to help me with my son (so I have a bit more time on my hands) I have been expanding my network a great deal to those types of people that I would like to associate with. Unfortunately in my last relationship I was limited to time due to my investment in that relationship and also was limited to the connections I could build with females. I tend to not build many new friendships with females when I’m in a relationship unless my girlfriend is good friends with the female in question. For me this is practical because I don’t like any ambiguity when I’m in a relationship. However, I may change my stance on this for future relationships. It’s kind of out dated and I have much more self control than I did years ago when I setup this rule. Further, I’ve noticed that many women are far better connectors than men. They are more willing to introduce you to their friends and talk more openly about relationships with others.

Lastly, be willing to say hi, smile and shake someone’s hand. Step out of your bubble and touch someone. Be willing to be touched. Find personal and professional interests you have in common. Also find things that you may not have in common but may be interesting nonetheless. Conversation is a freestyle dance of sorts and you must feel out when to lead and feel out when to be lead. Be careful about crude, offensive or disgusting topics… it can be pretty crucial to read your audience and make sure you don’t make a fool of yourself. But don’t worry, everybody makes mistakes now and then. Learn from it when you do and keep it moving. Remember, no amount of genius has been acquired with the willingness to fail.

At this point I’m doing everything I can to dump energy in to my creativity. That’s why I’m writing in my blog more, putting more energy in to work, learning music, interacting more outside of the office and generally doing everything I can to express the energy that’s inside of me. This energy that’s inside of me right now is a mix of anxiety, pain, excitement, anger, resentment, love and passion. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so many complex emotions at one time. It’s a difficult transition point in my life for sure. I’m lucky to have friends around me that undertstand what I’m going through. I’d like to thank everyone who has been a pillar of support for me during this time.

The problem is that I can’t find my center and I’m not sure I have one any more. That would mean I have to focus to find a new center or elaborate on my definition of self. The energy flowing through me is so complex and powerful everything I do seems like a minor distraction from the real purpose of my life. I am well known for keeping my cool under a lot of stress and being able to plan and think through problems without getting emotional. But I look at my current mix of situations and really don’t have much of a personal plan. My business is doing okay but it slowed down when I started going through this because it was really hard to sell and be creative when all of this started. So, my work did suffer initially but I’ve been able to use the energy to counter the effects of it’s initial impact. But now, there’s so much of this energy - positive and negative that it feels like a constant battle inside of me. Then every once and a while I turn the valve and am able to release it through individual expression and can keep my calm for a day or a few hours.

I was told by a stranger a long time ago that writing would keep me sane and that it was one of my many gifts. There’s a very thin line between creativity and insanity and I’m really working hard to stay balanced on it right now. It seems even more so that there is a thin line between a gift and a curse. I fell off a couple days ago and it hurt me deeply to do so. I must keep this energy focused and under control as I travel this particular path. Then when I come to my new path in life I’ll be ready to take it on under calm and focus… or at least that is the hope.

Seeping past the capacity of forgiveness.

Wrapped myself in idiocy nonetheless.

Chaos and alter ego bound in self destruction.

Ignorant to tides of written or spoken instruction.

Accept my warmest apology wrapped in reason.

Tantamount action seemingly personal treason.

I’m my own mountain of personal insurrection.

I picked all those words so it was my selection.

It’s hard not to be burdened by life these days.

My true friends understand patience pays.

Overwhelmed by the teeth of this grand life.

My ambition cuts through me and causes strife.

Hands on god’s back gaining ground through faith.

Cold claws in my flesh from pain’s eternal wraith.

My heart stuck on simulation until my absolution.

I shall breath positivity out as an interim solution.

So, time and time again I realized I have this huge flaw that I haven’t been able to correct no matter how many years I’ve worked on it. I think this is probably kind of personal to put in the public but this is my journal of sorts and I need to write about this because that may help me one day resolve this issue.

I was raised a great deal by my Grandmother, who is now deceased. I love my Grandmother with all of my heart but she did help pass this flaw on to me and the only way to own it is to understand where it comes from. I generally am good with words and craft them with purpose and intention when I write. However, there are a few times in my life where when I let someone make me feel powerless or backed in to a corner I spew garbage from my mouth that I don’t mean to intentionally hurt people. The thing is I don’t mean it but it’s like an inpulse that seems right when I say it and I feel justified. However, my sensibility and empathy set in and I know that I’m wrong so I begin to hate myself for what I said especially when someone will not accept my apology and understand where I’m coming from on this. It’s like poison to my soul and the worse the thing I said the harder the impact is to me. There’s a good reason I have a circle with two arrows tatooed on my shoulder. I feel all things are rectified in the end. That energy you put out comes back to you. It’s my strong sense of justice that keeps me from doing wrong to people intentionally. It keeps me balanced. I pride myself on that balance even though my balance has been way off for a couple weeks now. It was almost back in line until last night.

Now, most people have forgiven me for this flaw because I’m a good person overall. I’m generous, thoughtful and respect people. Most people don’t know this about me and never learn it unless they know me for a long, long time. So, I did this to someone last night who’s opinion of me matters and now that person won’t even let me apologize. I guess I’m under a ton of stress to do the right thing, make everybody happy, and be on top of my business. Since my ex left on a bus a couple weeks ago I really am on my own with the exception of some help from my mother and a couple friends. The thing the person was telling me last night hurt me deeply and I just couldn’t process my thoughts properly. So, I said some things I really didn’t mean and I knew this thing would hurt that person as much as what they said to me. I didn’t think about how what I was saying was terrible and counter to how I really felt. So, I’ve corrupted my soul now. This person believes I think this thing that I don’t believe and I can’t apologize.

I’m curious if this stems from my ambition and if so how to control that aspect of me. I know my Grandmother used to do this but I don’t think that’s the only cause. I really hate to lose and don’t easily accept no for an answer. I wonder more and more if the things about me that give me great power over my life and the ability to help others also cause my most serious flaws. If so, that’s very unfortunate and tragic. I have a feeling that this is not uncommon.

I’m just going to throw as much positive energy in to my work and hopefully work off the poison that’s in my spirit right now in hopes that one day I can apologize and have it accepted. Until then I’m going to work on figuring out what this flaw stems from and how to resolve it so I never have to apologize for it again.

I’m writing this for someone in particular who I know doesn’t read my blog and probably won’t read it because I’m not going to tell them I wrote it but nonetheless I feel like I have to get it off my chest and put it in the air.

Yeah, hun, with me it’s stop or go, I don’t have much of a throttle.

I chase my heart’s desire and my feelings can’t be kept in a bottle.

I have learned to slow measure my life as I have aged but I am who I am.

You’d like to hold against me how I got here and all I have to say is, damn.

Yeah, I don’t have the best of patience but I make up for that flaw in raw ambition.

If you knew my true self like that I feel I’d have you plottin, projectin and wishin.

Now that I’ve seen what I need, it may not be you but it’ll be hard to be with less.

My life is made up of the lessons god wants me to learn seemingly in emotional undress.

I have to believe he sets me up for success by making me feel the pain of temporary loss.

I’ve owned everyone else’s pain in the past and my heart is weakened from bearing a cross.

Maybe you should understand why I feel you’re different or maybe it’s not for all that.

I honestly don’t have the fight in me to know what or where my soul’s balance is at.

I guess I should speak your name to the wind and let an equivelent take your place.

I don’t know how you got me out on an empty road, no shoes and wanting to race.

I feel like I’ve been stripped bare of my logic and whispering to the winds of afterthought.

You left me with this definition of woman that seems impossible but now must be sought.

Yeah, my last situation was something that took a lot out of who I was.

You reminded me romance & adventure filled my whole world at one point, just because.

However, I take a lot from the smallest of experiences and you taught me.

I have this high standard for what a woman will have to show and be.

I wanted to put together some thoughts on being a single in Nashville. Now, as many know who read my blog I’m newly single and I have my son living with me. My ex moved out of our house last week. I actually enjoy being alone in the house to some degree. Another thing is I’ve never really had a problem getting with the women I want but getting with the women I should be with has been a problem in the past. I’ve matched myself for pretty shitty reasons in the past. Okay, I’m addicted to pretty women but now that I know that and I’m much older than the last time I was single so I’ve been trying to weed out the ones who aren’t intellectually or emotionally developed enough for me. This means taking things slower than I would like. I really don’t have a lot of patience and never have had all that much. But I’ve went on a few successful dates and I found someone I’m pretty interested in so I learned a lot very quickly.

Okay, so the first thing I did was get my wardrobe straight. I went out and got all the clothes I wanted that would represent my tastes in style. It’s very lucky that it was close to winter because winter fashions have always given me more flexibility. A good fashion sense will get you a hell of a long way. The clothes don’t make the man but they do represent you and if you are comfortable in your clothes you will exude more confidence. A great cologne will get you pretty far too. The sense of smell is more connected directly to the brain than any other sense. Then you really have to own yourself. If you look unsure about yourself so is everyone else. Be your space and feel free to talk to other people. Looking good and smelling good in a venue that matches you well is only part of the fight. If you don’t talk to people or respond to people you don’t have anything. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Oh… and take a friend with you. You’ll need filler conversation and you look social and fun if you have someone with you. I have gone out by myself when I can’t get anybody but personally, I’m just a lot more comfortable with a friend or two with me.

Lastly, I have been trying different clubs/bars out to find ones that match my style. I’m a real big fan of Pearl on Commerce street near 2nd. It’s an urban lounge of sorts and that suits my tastes. The crowd isn’t extremely young, they have good food and there’s space for talking to someone if you meet someone there. This place gives me the attention I like and the people who own it are very responsive to remember their regulars. It makes you feel at home. There are a couple other places I like. I’m a fan of Big Bang on Broadway but it can be a little coupled up in there most of the time. A great place to take a date but a little harder to find one there. I do occassionally go to Atlantis on (3rd I think) but this is a bit too young and less classy in my opinion. I’m more for the grown, sexy and classy places in Nashville where I can meet laid back people. A guilty pleasure of mine in the past has been Decades (an 80’s club on Broadway) but I have mixed feelings about the crowd there. It’s been slightly different every time I’ve went and I haven’t hit it up since I’ve been single. The venue you frequent should match your tastes in women, represent your interests in music and dress and not be so packed where you can’t get noticed or breath… lol If it’s so hot you are sweating your ass off, leave, you are gonna be in a bad position. Ie… I really don’t like Karma Lounge in Nashville because it’s always 1 million degrees in that bitch and packed to the teeth on weekends. Are there any places you’d recommend? If so, leave me some comments.

Tati, Damien, LaVonda and I were sitting in the office last night after work and decided to put together a poem. Each of us put together two lines. Turned out interesting enough but I’ll leave you guessing on which lines are written by who… Here it goes:

Luxurious lively lovely lips almost liquid.

Can I canabalize this moment like a dish for a kid?

Perfectly pimpin slightly perverted.

Usually pervase but ever so poised.



Lovers no more, opens the the door to a lustful allure of life

Almost forgotten forever.

Insanity is my only link to reality.

So if you love me to infinity why is tomorrow promised to no one.