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Being a non-religious person people naturally assume that faith isn’t a big part of my life. However, I’ve noticed that I seem to have far more faith than many religious people I know. Another thing I’ve seen people assume is that because I drink and party and have a moral compass that is pretty far to the left that I don’t respect God. In face I have the utmost respect through my love for God and I need little evidence of God in the way of scripture or posturing from my peers. I know God. I feel God in my life as the light that warms me and keeps me pointed in a favorable direction. I believe that religion is a filter from which to view God. Some people require it and others do not. Many of these filters add unfavorable attributes to God… I believe sometimes we put Human attributes on the definition of God in order to better relate to something and define something that moves through us and around us as an energy that creates and holds together the fabric of the universe.

In my world we all have access to this God energy and we either use it to define our life or use the illusion of the absence of God to define our life. All things not based out of love give the feeling of absence in God. When you fear God, even if it is respect out of fear I believe you lessen your relationship with God. However, this is not wrong or right… Many people need to understand the absence of something in order to understand the value of it’s presence. I prefer the route that ties me in to the energy of God through a steady stream and through my actions I praise God. Through my unwavering knowing that my needs and desires are fulfilled because of my faith and use of this spiritual energy I am fulfilled.

Morality and spirituality are two very distinct things and one shouldn’t be confused with the other. Furthermore, what is morale and good to me may not be good to you and the opposite is true for you. I don’t believe in Hell or Satan for that matter and definitely do not believe in sin. When I wrong someone I feel it strongly and I have wronged very few. Those that I have wronged I apologize to quickly and those who have wronged me usually apologize to me. The burden of sin, which I believe to be a Human defined set of rules, doesn’t weigh on my soul. God directs my actions without interpretation from ancient books or Human proclaimed advisors of God. I am strong in my faith and my life has proven that my faith works for me. I’m not saying this is for everyone as it most certainly isn’t. Everybody defines their relationship with God in a different way that is comfortable for them. However, this may be for some of you where it was on your mind or for those who wondered about how I believed.

I know like I know.

So, I’m back in Front Royal, VA for a couple weeks to visit family. I missed them so I’m happy to be back here but I always have mixed feelings about being here. It’s where I grew up and I have a substantial amount of family here on my father’s side and some on my mother’s side. But it’s also a place I feel very uncomfortable about. My time here during my youth always made me feel less than great. There were many temptations to do wrong here because there was absolutely nothing to do here for young people except get in to drugs, play sports (which I didn’t) and generally get in to trouble. I was a high school drop out and didn’t find my true greatness until I left my hometown and struck out on my own. It was quite difficult in general to be anything coming from such a place. The environment of the town, my place on the socioeconomic ladder growing up and the people I hung out with all suggested I would grow up to be a loser. However, I was better in spite of growing up here.

I can’t deny where I’m from as that would be to deny who I am. Both my girlfriend and I are from here so we both have family here. However, I can’t help but feel okay about keeping a longer period of time between my visits here and making them as short as I can. But this time I haven’t been here in about 7 months and it would be selfish of me to stay away when my family hasn’t really seen my 2 year old son in that time. It’s disruptive to my business to be here as well as my temporary office is way less than ideal so I don’t focus nearly as well.

Many will think I’m being too hard on my home town or that everybody feels this way about their home town. Maybe so, I’m not cutting my home town any slack. The people in charge kept this town difficult to grow up in for a long time. They pushed away anything that could stimulate growth and fought progress to keep our town touristy which means they robbed the youth of my generation from any type of joy we would have had from things to actually do for young people in Front Royal. A special thanks to the town council and mayors of yesteryear for that bullshit.

I’ve always said I would invest in my home town when I became able to do so. I’m very close to being able to do so and I would love to invest in this town so maybe one less child will go through the mind numbing chaos of not being able to choose where your parents decide to raise you at. So, over the next 2-5 years it’s my goal to be able to invest in Front Royal and make it a better for people forced to grow up here and the people who have chosen to raise their children in this sleepy Civil War historic town that just recently got some balls and decided to grow.

This makes me very careful about where I choose to raise my son at long term. I’ve said that I would not raise my son in Nashville and I probably won’t no matter how much Nashville grows on me. I want to raise my son in a place where I would want to grow up. As any good father I want my son to have the things that I didn’t have as a child and I believe this is essential for a child.

So, for 2-3 weeks I will be grazing around Front Royal, talking to old friends and enjoying my family. I’m not thrilled about being here but I am happy to see my father, grandmother and some a couple close friends. Maybe one day I will be proud of this town or at least satisfied with what it becomes. But I am a bit salty about my youth here and that taste will be hard to get out of my mouth.