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Thank God for 2010 because as the title says 2009 was kickin my ass. Okay, it wasn’t a bad year by the normal measure. I met a lot of cool people and made a lot of solid networking connections. That being said, there were a lot of things about 2009 that changed for me and put me in extremely awkward positions with people I cared about. A few of the things that looked bad in my personal life such as my breakup were not really all that bad. It just made the year turbulant.

I learned a lot about what I will never do in business ever again but I also learned a lot about what I did right. I also saw some incredible moves that I learned a lot from out of people I associated with in business and my personal life. I definately found out who my real friends were and who really had my back in a time of need.

Looking at my goal list for 2010 I must note that it’s incredibly ambitious but I’ve already knocked a few things off the list. I wrote my goal list around Thanksgiving. There’s a lot of promise with this new year and a lot to be said for a year that nearly knocked me on my ass but gave me a soft place to land. I really learned how able I am to move with change and adapt to situations that others mull over for months.

I learned how much I love my son and all of the things I want for him in life. I learned and am still learning what it’s going to take to get him there. I learned to have some patience and think before I act. I have always been a bit of a doer and not so much a thinker in the past. It’s benefited me in the past and cost me as well. I learned it doesn’t hurt to take a few seconds to reflect before you act on something.

I learned that there are many people that value my perspective and hold me in high regard even though they see my flaws. I learned to see myself better through the eyes of others and to not be so afraid to be a little vunerable. I learned that I’m an extremely talented and gifted person who owes the world all that I can afford to give and thensome for giving me the opportunity to be who I am.

Lastly, I learned to not be bitter when people step on me. I learned to let people be who they are even when you don’t agree with them. I had to learn to let go so I could live for my future and not hold on to my past.

After some reflection I will be starting a new company at the beginning of the year. This is regardless of whether or not I do anything else. I am going to create a more localized company here in Nashville and adopt some new strategies I’ve been working on for the past couple months. I will go in to more detail in a later post but I’m looking forward to a fresh start with a new company. It’s very likely I won’t be taking on a business partner this time. Instead I’m going to work on strategic partnerships for specific parts of the business.

It’s funny to be called a "Serial Entrepenuer" as I didn’t really see myself that way but I guess the label applies well. I do start a lot of businesses and if they don’t work I’m quick to learn from them and move on. But much of my history as an entrepenuer was as a sole proprietorship and just in the past 3 1/2 years have I been dealing on more of a corporate scale and managing larger teams. I like to fail small, learn quickly, adapt and apply that wisdom. I tend to be an extremely good architect and thinker but need people around me to continue to force me to continue action in my chosen direction. Luckily, I have friends and family who are very supportive and I’m thinking with this new company I won’t need to draw on the strength of a partner to balance out my personal flaws. Plus, over the past year or so I’ve worked hard at balancing my idiosyncrasies in a way that will benefit me in the long run.

I still love the "Cogwise" brand and discussed it with my former partner that my new company will buy the branding from the old company along with any other materials that the company owned. So, I hope to continue to build on the success of the Cogwise brand and counter the small flaws and lower the high overhead that were a part of the old Cogwise company. The new company will be called "Cogwise Solutions". This is a more inclusive brand based on the fact that we will offer consulting services, marketing services as well as software development services. Further, we will still be able to take advantage of some of the relationships we have built with the previous Cogwise company.

I’m working on building some new strategic partnerships to strengthen the brand and to repair issues that were a part of the old company. This will be a huge challenge but I’m looking forward to facing it in the coming year! Also, I want to continue to build on our internal software projects. I need to put all the advice I’ve received to good use and this move is a measured reaction to the advice that I’ve received.

This doesn’t mean I won’t be considering other routes or combining the other opportunities that have been preseneted to me with this current move. It means this is my decided direction and my other decisions will be based off of what helps me maintain and strengthen the long term viability of the brand.

This past year has been one of my best years and one of my worst years. It was filled with wealth, pain, loss, beauty, awakening, renewal, discovery and several minor strokes of genius. My company at a turning point because I’m looking for a new partner and re-organizing the company under a new structure. I’m also considering other options such as working for someone for a year or so. There is still a lot of baggage from my old company but I’m working to clean things up and lighten the load. I want a much more agile and responsible company out of the dust of this re-organization. I’m building something that reflects the point I am at in my life. Even if I do decide to take a break to work for someone I would still build this new company as I can’t help but be an entrepreneur. I can be extremely useful as an employee when properly motivated and when I have a stake in the success of a company. But working for a company that I don’t have stake in was something I said I would never do again. So, I’m having to reconcile that definitive statement I made several years ago with who I am today and where I want to be. Will I do something that I normally wouldn’t do because the circumstances of my life have changed? Well, if I can keep some of my freedom and retain my individualism then maybe I could work for someone for a brief period of time. Of course, I’m making moves in a lot of different directions to protect my interests and make sure I have plenty of opportunity.

As always, my next big move in my career and life will be based on what will make me grow the most as a person and help me fulfill my obligations as a father and a man. This defines most of my choices. I always work to move with life and hold my expectations to a minimum but keep my goals high. I did set my goals for the coming year and wrote them down so I have some targets for my life. So, whatever is going to bring me closer to my goals I will do. Through the achievement of my goals I will grow and fullfill my obligations. 

I am blessed and grateful to be where I am at in my life and I’ve worked extremely hard to get this far mostly unscathed. I hope that with my next big moves in my personal life and my professional life I can manage to build on who I’ve become and come to the end of next year in much better position than I already am.

Dating is an interesting ride. I didn’t really ‘date’ all that much when I was younger. Dating, truly, feels awkward and invented - even & especially with someone you really like. When I was younger I knew people for a bit and then they would become my girlfriend. I mean, I did go out with people on dates but not like a bunch of dates. So, it feels strange to do so. I do like dating but it’s not my favorite thing in the world. Further, I tend to have very good luck at some things. When I selected the house that I currently moved in to it was the first house I checked out and it was perfect; everything I needed in a home. Many times I was out looking for the right woman and just as easily one of the first ones I meet is the one I like the most and the right woman for that period of my life. So, it seems I attract the right things in my life for the right situation and I don’t really question things if it feels right. So, I was dating a couple people. I can date no more than two people at a time because I’m busy and I just would rather not split my focus and energy up so much. After several ‘interviews’ I found that one of them was not very intellectually or emotional stable and decided not to pursue her only to talk to another - which wasn’t going to work out for complex reasons I don’t care to get in to, so we had to part ways. Now, I’m left with one that I’m currently seeing regularly and she’s very interesting. So, interesting that I haven’t decided to -actively- look for another to fill my ‘second slot’.

I found that through dating her I question some of my long held values as I put on the chase for this woman. I can’t go in to what values I’m questioning but let’s just say they seemed right when I set them up but now that I’m older and actually question them they fall down in the face of scrutiny. I would assume this is good. My goal is one of constant self-reflection, self-improvement and to find out that my values are less mature than I personally am at this stage in life means I get to change them. There are certain things that were important to me in previous relationships that seemingly are far less important now. It’s funny how you set up standards for yourself and repeat them brainlessly until the right person poses the simple question, "why?".

I’ve been told I’m in no state to select someone to be with because of my recent breakup, my business restructure and blah, blah, blah! But, I apply my own rules to life and if something feels like the right thing to do you should do it unless it hurts someone else. I enjoy a good pursuit and it gives me energy to work, live and be a better man (when it’s a good woman). I have lots of challenges in my life because I work on a lot of things at one time. So, I thrive on challenges and I alluded to this in a previous post a few days ago.

My best advice to anybody going through something like this is to keep looking but keep an open heart and an open mind. Don’t let your past control your future as you don’t have to be defined by your past relationships but defined in spite and because of what you learned about yourself through them. Find someone you can learn, grow with and build something that makes you both better than you could be by yourselves. Listen to those closest to you and don’t turn down their advice but remember it, even if you don’t agree.

With wit sharp as words can weave.

Your beauty is something to behold & believe.

Concise and elegant in expression and word.

Honesty and seductiveness such limits unheard.

Depth behind those eyes of brazen pride.

Many men inimidated to journey but I am well supplied.

We can hold sensual intellectual conference till any night is through.

I’ll come well equipped for any combo of mind, body, spirit you wanna do.

I’ll leave you unwrapped and physically deepend so you can get your best.

If my evidence and vocab are underwhelming put me to any form of test.

God must have made you out of godess Aphrodite image supreme.

Just out of my reach so I could ambition to collect on the challenge of a dream.

When the light of your mind’s eye catches on memory of me in your immagination;

Remember who I am, my embers glow for thought of you - my passion’s sensation.

I just wanted to go over some essential life skills that, in my opinion, everybody should have or work on having.

1. Communication - If you suck at talking to people please read a book and practice with whatever friends you might have. This is the most important skill you will ever gain. Closed mouths don’t get fed. After you learn to communicate please learn negotiation skills as that is, in my opinion, the next level of communication.


2. Some Fashion Sense - Okay, you don’t have to be able to dress perfect but dress adequate for your skin tone, your body type and your budget. As a good friend told me, "Don’t shop for clothes alone!". What that means is if you don’t have fashion sense someone you know does and at least look like you do (I actually do have enough fashion sense to shop alone but I still take this advice). You don’t have to have money to dress. I shop wherever I can afford to at any given time and am always lookin for a deal.


3. Know Alcohol & Drink - I know some people can’t drink or don’t like to drink because of health reasons or addictions. You should still know about alcohol. How to make at least three decent drinks is good knowledge. Have some knowledge of wines - don’t need to have much. But these skills will come in handy in social situations. If you drink then know how to drink to not get out of control. Drink slowly and go easy. I drink a lot but I’m a professional and can maintain my composure. People may disagree with me but I don’t care all that much. However, feel free to disagree with me in the comments.


4. Know Sports - Eh… I don’t excel in this one. But I know just enough to get by in the sports department. I love boxing and can talk adequately about that but I don’t watch football, basketball or baseball that much. However, I try to just browse the sports news every now and then and check the headlines so I know something about what’s going on. I know, I know… I just don’t have the time to invest in to sports for some reason… Oh yeah, cause I do a million other things.


5. Have a Hobby: Learn - Do something interesting. If you don’t have a hobby then you should go get one. I’m learning the guitar right now and when I get good at that I’ll do something else. I also have had a ton of hobbies in the past that I was at least adequate at or did it until I got bored. Some will say this is not a life skill, yeah, learning is a life skill. A life full of learning is a full life.


6. Cook & Know How To Eat - Know a little about food. I would say being able to cook is essential to a great life but it depends on if you are single or not. At some point we were or are single so you should have some knowledge of it. I went on for four years barely cooking anything because my ex used to cook her ass off. However, I was very aware of the different flavors in food and I always asked her how she cooked something. Further, I know where tons of good restaurants are. Lastly, as part of this, have a diverse knowledge of food. Never tried Korean food? Do it! Ethiopian? Do it! French? Do it! Expanding you food horizons will give you great knowlege of different food types and further help as a conversation piece.


7. Working a Computer - Yes, you can eek by without learning how to use a computer and all of you who are reading this likely use a computer pretty well but this is still an essential life skill in the modern age. I tend to take this for granted because I’ve had a computer since before I can remember but that doesn’t make it less essential. You should probably learn how to type as well if you are pecking around on the keyboard right now. The better your computer knowledge the better your access to resources that many other may not have.


8. Compassion & Empathy - This is an essential life skill. Showing you care to your fellow humans will leave an impact. However, it’s hard to aquire this skill I would assume. It’s something you either have or feign really well. I’ve never looked in to resources for how to acquire these skills but I’m sure if you don’t have them there are things you can read that will help you.


9. Financial Knowledge - There is "How To Balance a Checkbook" and then there is real financial understanding. Unfortunately, we do not teach this in school. Essential things like how to put money away for investment, how to make your money make money for you, how to not abuse credit, how to build savings and how to build wealth. If you come from a relatively poor family & background as myself these skills will come to you with enough failure or the right mentor. But it’s best if you come in to this knowledge on your own terms. I suggest reading "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", which is a great starter book.


10. Set Goals, Take Steps - It’s smart to write down your goals and work towards them. Appriciate the goals you have achieved and give your self credit for getting there. To be successful your goals have to be tangable and likely. So make big goals but take one small step at a time in working towards your goals. Don’t worry if you can’t see the entire path to your goals. Just take one step in the direction of your goal at a time and be sure to write down your goals. Goal setting is an essential skill to a successful life.

These are skills and knowledge I consider essential to a successful life. Of course there may be others you could add but these are the ones I could think of today. With these I’ve been able to do a ton with very little else. Some of these I had to work at and didn’t always have. Some of these might not serve your position in life for one reason or another. Again, disagree with me in the comments if you like or add to these. I love feedback.

I love to chase women when I’m interested in one and believe they are unique. I slightly like it more when a woman seems to be a challenge. Notice I said ‘slightly’. Okay, this is a deeply nuanced discussion. I love a challenge. But, I also love attention. When I give a woman my attention and creativity and I get little attention in return I tend to do the opposite of what I did when I was younger. When I was younger the less attention a woman gave me the more I would chase her. Now, I don’t so much have the stomach for a such an endeavor. I am pretty sure back when I was younger I didn’t have nearly as much a sense of self worth and thought I had to fight to prove I was better than I appeared. These days I do have a pretty large sense of self worth so I feel like a woman has to meet me in the middle sometimes during the chase.

Let me further qualify my statements. I do love a challenge and a woman has to give me as much mental game as I give to even be in the same league with me. This means some push and pull, which is fun. But if I have to beg for your time, appriciation and equal contribution to the chase it’s not really worth my energy. I feel that I’m worth a lot. I have a ton of diverse skills & abilities and I adapt quickly.

I believe that many women love the attention that comes with the chase and that’s cool. There’s still that important underlying tradition in our culture of men leading the chase (which I enjoy and I believe many other men do). But almost all men have egos that need attention to be fed. Also, all people want to feel important. Even feeling important in one person’s life is truly valuable to most. So, ladies, if you are being chased by someone who feels you are worth it and you don’t give some chase back then expect that opportunity will be lost in due time. Though, I believe that many women feel more motivated to return attention when guys back off and stop giving them a ton of attention. I know many men who are like this as well. If something comes to easy then it’s not worth having or has no intrinsic value. This is contrary to my logic about how the world should work but observable, nonetheless. Something that comes easy to you may come easy to you because of who you are and what someone sees in you.

So, many of you know that my ex-girlfriend (ie… the mother of my son) left here a couple weeks ago and went back to Virginia. This left me with my son to raise by myself for now. I’ve always thought the process of being a father would be difficult for me to integrate and it has been to some degree. My own father (who I’m close with now) wasn’t in my life to a high degree for a good portion of my youth. So, I don’t really understand how to be a father. I’ve been told that I am a great father and I certainly hope that is true. I try to be as tender as his mother was with him but be more stern and structured than his mother was with him. I make sure, as I always have, that he is well provided for and has the best that can be available to him of everything. Still, I find it difficult to replace his mother and to be his everything. Now, luckily, as I’ve said in the past, my assistant helps and my mother, who lives in her own apartment attached to my house, is a big help too.

There’s a ton of responsibility in guiding him to be a better man than I am. I believe this should be my goal and I work towards it. It also makes it difficult to be me sometimes. I’m very passionate, enjoy a robust social life and tend to be more creative and unstructured. Balancing this against what I need to do as a father causes some tension in my life. I can be structured and I do it all the time in my professional life but in my personal life I’ve always leaned toward less structure and more of a spur of the moment life style. I think my personal style is to counter the amount of planning, strategy and structure that goes in to my professional life.

It’s an amazing thing to wake up and see your son in his room sleeping and know you are going to help mold is future and make him in to a man one day at a time. It can also be overwhelming and frightening. I’m proud to be my son’s father and I hope that I can teach him all the lessons I had to learn on my own. I hope I can give and help him work towards the things that were difficult for me or out of my reach. I hope that one day he won’t have to forgive me for anything I did. I hope he leads a life without regrets and keeps peace in his soul.

I’ve been having extensive talks with my friends about the value of networking. This article will jump around a bit because some of it is connected to other thoughts I’m having right now. But I’ll try to bring it full circle.

It seems obvious to me and I’m sure many others but there are still a lot of people who don’t understand the value or don’t practice networking to add value to their life. It’s difficult to not do some networking if you interract with other people. Life is, in part, a sum of connections we create with people. Those connections create opportunity and in turn give opportunity. You can’t see networking as one sided. You must be willing to be of value and help connect people where there is a need in order to gain from networking. I look at every relationship as an opportunity to help others and as an opportunity to be helped. This isn’t just for business as it also applies to my personal life. I use it when I’m dating or meeting new friends as well as when I’m working on business deals. Personally or professionally, I don’t really see the distinction except in approach. I have good friends who I do business with and good business people who I consider friends. Most people don’t like crossing this line but I consider that nonsense. I love doing business with people I’m friends with and the communication is much easier in those instances. But I could go in to depth on that with another article.

Opportunity can only be created through personal and professional connections. Loose connections will provide more value than strong connections when it comes to networking and building opportunity. The reason for this is that all the people that are tight with you in your circle already know most of the opportunities that you do. However, this is not always the case. But any time you open yourself up to a new group or run in a new circle of people you are gaining access to opportunity and in turn they are gaining access to your friends and all you know (if you are doing this correctly). Giving is the essential key to receiving. It has been my philosophy for some time that if you want to receive something in your life give freely of that thing and abundance will be your result. This is contrary to the thinking of some because the conventional thought is towards hoarding something that you do not have much of. However, that has never lead to success in my own life nor the lives of many I have noticed. There is always enough of whatever you have to be able to give something, even if it’s only a nickel to the hungry man on the corner. Also, love and appriciation are free and feed the soul. If you have nothing you have a kind word and a smile and this will enhance the day of others. Giving that can enhance your day as well.

Oh, so back to this networking thing (: Now that I’m single and have the luck of having people to help me with my son (so I have a bit more time on my hands) I have been expanding my network a great deal to those types of people that I would like to associate with. Unfortunately in my last relationship I was limited to time due to my investment in that relationship and also was limited to the connections I could build with females. I tend to not build many new friendships with females when I’m in a relationship unless my girlfriend is good friends with the female in question. For me this is practical because I don’t like any ambiguity when I’m in a relationship. However, I may change my stance on this for future relationships. It’s kind of out dated and I have much more self control than I did years ago when I setup this rule. Further, I’ve noticed that many women are far better connectors than men. They are more willing to introduce you to their friends and talk more openly about relationships with others.

Lastly, be willing to say hi, smile and shake someone’s hand. Step out of your bubble and touch someone. Be willing to be touched. Find personal and professional interests you have in common. Also find things that you may not have in common but may be interesting nonetheless. Conversation is a freestyle dance of sorts and you must feel out when to lead and feel out when to be lead. Be careful about crude, offensive or disgusting topics… it can be pretty crucial to read your audience and make sure you don’t make a fool of yourself. But don’t worry, everybody makes mistakes now and then. Learn from it when you do and keep it moving. Remember, no amount of genius has been acquired with the willingness to fail.

At this point I’m doing everything I can to dump energy in to my creativity. That’s why I’m writing in my blog more, putting more energy in to work, learning music, interacting more outside of the office and generally doing everything I can to express the energy that’s inside of me. This energy that’s inside of me right now is a mix of anxiety, pain, excitement, anger, resentment, love and passion. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so many complex emotions at one time. It’s a difficult transition point in my life for sure. I’m lucky to have friends around me that undertstand what I’m going through. I’d like to thank everyone who has been a pillar of support for me during this time.

The problem is that I can’t find my center and I’m not sure I have one any more. That would mean I have to focus to find a new center or elaborate on my definition of self. The energy flowing through me is so complex and powerful everything I do seems like a minor distraction from the real purpose of my life. I am well known for keeping my cool under a lot of stress and being able to plan and think through problems without getting emotional. But I look at my current mix of situations and really don’t have much of a personal plan. My business is doing okay but it slowed down when I started going through this because it was really hard to sell and be creative when all of this started. So, my work did suffer initially but I’ve been able to use the energy to counter the effects of it’s initial impact. But now, there’s so much of this energy - positive and negative that it feels like a constant battle inside of me. Then every once and a while I turn the valve and am able to release it through individual expression and can keep my calm for a day or a few hours.

I was told by a stranger a long time ago that writing would keep me sane and that it was one of my many gifts. There’s a very thin line between creativity and insanity and I’m really working hard to stay balanced on it right now. It seems even more so that there is a thin line between a gift and a curse. I fell off a couple days ago and it hurt me deeply to do so. I must keep this energy focused and under control as I travel this particular path. Then when I come to my new path in life I’ll be ready to take it on under calm and focus… or at least that is the hope.